Not just technology—social media. And, even more specifically, as of late, TikTok.©

Let me go ahead and give a disclaimer at the outset. I am not one to ban social media in the lives of kids. I certainly understand the reasoning behind wanting to; however, I am more of an advocate for helping parents teach kids to use technology responsibly. I believe that involves trying and, most likely, failing in the arena of technology. Kids are failing—not the grownups, although we certainly do, too. We want to teach kids while under our roofs how to handle the things they will learn and encounter using technology. Therefore, I advocate for a more training wheels approach. We start small, with their first little e-mail address, and then, as they prove themselves (mostly) responsible, we give them more freedom. I have held that perspective as long as technology and social media have been a force in kids’ lives. But, in recent years, TikTok has been the one app that has made me question my approach. 

Like most of you, I first heard of TikTok back in the days when it was called Musical.ly. It seemed to bring with it a few concerns, such as children could perform a duet with someone they might not know in an environment parents could not necessarily control. However, for the most part, I was not considerably concerned. Until about five years ago, that is, when I learned that some of the shifts I was seeing in my counseling office were a direct result of TikTok.

I first started noticing around that time that more and more teenagers seemed to understand a great deal about a variety of mental health issues—depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, and many others. One day it dawned on me that it was a little like they had memorized the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual before coming to see me. They would rattle off the list of diagnostic criteria as though they were discussing their classes in school. Then, the conversations around diagnosis shifted. In addition to enumerating the list for anxiety and depression, they included diagnoses with which I was unfamiliar. All with initials, of course—but ones that sounded more like someone was reading off an eye chart at the optometrist’s office than truly discussing a diagnosis.

In the past year, I have seen a few more shifts. One I see more is kids showing signs of a tic disorder. After doing some research, I discovered that there are actually influencers with tic disorders and Tourette syndrome on TikTok. While it might be helpful for people who are genuinely and organically struggling with tic disorders and/or Tourette’s to see role models with similar issues, another phenomenon has occurred as a result—tic disorders are considered a psychogenic illness, so they spread by watching others display the same behavior. A study from Harvard showed that kids with tic disorders were grouped in certain areas where they were spending more time watching these media influencers on TikTok.1 And then, as we all know, once you watch one video, the algorithms just keep suggesting more of the same.

We are also seeing evidence of adolescents learning tricks to self-harm, hiding their eating disorders, and even ways to commit suicide on TikTok. Girls in my office will tell me that TikTok is their source to learn about all things mental health related. I even had a 13-year-old who told me she created an account solely to help others learn about mental health—I am not sure what sage advice a 13-year-old will have on the subject.

Social media is undoubtedly here to stay. It is still up in the air about TikTok, but kids of all ages are not just going to Google anymore. Rather than talking with their parents to learn about important life topics, they are taking to social media. And they are not only tapping into social media; they are addicted to it. A study from Common Sense Media in 2021 found that the percentage of tweens using social media had risen from 31% in 2019 to 38% in 2021. One in five tweens said they use social media daily. Regarding teenagers, 84% use social media and average an hour and a half per day.2 The conversations in my office suggest those numbers are lower than what many kids are averaging.

Research has linked social media use with depression and anxiety, as we are all well aware. We are also seeing kids who need help recovering from social media addiction. The brains of teens who watch TikTok have the same areas light up on a scan as those who have an addiction.3

Dr. Julia Tartaglia, a digital and behavioral health researcher, has outlined the following criteria as signs a child may be suffering from a social media addiction:

  • “Spending increasing amounts of time on social media.”
  • “Losing friendships, slipping grades, or conflicts with teachers or parents over social media use.”
  • “Choosing to spend time online over real-life activities, such as seeing friends, attending school, and personal interests.”
  • “Unsuccessful attempts to cut down or stop using social media.”
  • “Neglecting personal hygiene, sleep, nutrition, and exercise.”4

I sit with girls daily who check off every item on this list. Kids need help regulating their social media and technology use, and parents need help regulating technology use for their kids and, sometimes, themselves. 

One of the tools I often recommend is a parental control app called Bark, which helps monitor technology use. A variety of helpful resources exist in today’s world, and we need to point parents toward them as their kids are learning to navigate both technology and social media. A few other recommendations I regularly make to parents include:

  • Do not allow your child to be the first or the last to have any kind of technology, including social media. The first kids will often be perceived as fast, while the last will often be the ones who sneak their way into it.
  • Start small with very limited time and access and increase that access as they prove to be more responsible.
  • Take breaks from technology together as a family.
  • Be aware of your own technology use and what you are modeling for your kids.
  • Wherever your kids are on social media, you also need to be there.

Children do not just learn to ride a bike one day. They start with training wheels, with a parent running alongside them, cheering them on. The wheels eventually come off as they gradually learn the skill of riding. The same is true of technology; kids need to be surrounded by support, and with that support, they will progressively fall away as they develop the skills necessary to function in this digital age. They need our help. Parents need our help. They both need the voices of supportive and wise people, just like you, to help them navigate the turbulent waters of technology. 

Sissy Goff, M.Ed., LPC-MHSP, is the Director of Child and Adolescent Counseling at Daystar Counseling Ministries in Nashville, Tennessee. She is also the best-selling author of 12 books, including Raising Worry-Free Girls: Helping Your Daughter Feel Braver, Stronger, and Smarter in an Anxious World, and is a part of the podcast, Raising Boys and Girls. You can find more about her at raisingboysandgirls.com.

Endnotes

1 Shmerling, R.H. (2022, January 18). Tics and TikTok: Can social media trigger illness? Harvard Health. Retrieved September 19, 2022, from https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/tics-and-tiktok-can-social-media-trigger-illness-202201182670.

2 Cottrell, S. (2022, April 27). Yes, your kid can be addicted to social media-here’s how to help. Parents. Retrieved September 19, 2022, from https://www.parents.com/kids/health/childrens-mental-health/yes-your-kid-can-be-addicted-to-social-media-heres-how-to-help/.

3 Cottrell, S. (2022, April 27).

4 Cottrell, S. (2022, April 27).