After battling anorexia and bulimia her entire adult life, she hit rock bottom and courageously agreed to enter treatment.
Though it was my spouse who had endured the ignominy of admitting herself into a facility that was a mix of a retreat center, prison, and hospital, I was the one who felt bitter and angry at having to endure the “family week” the facility had outlined as a prerequisite for her entry into the program. What a sham! I wasn’t the one who needed help. Why in the world did I have to leave our kids, who already were missing their mom, fly across the country, and spend a week in a snake and scorpion-infested wasteland? Did I say I was bitter? In addition to the overall resentment that I was making no effort to hide, I was privately drowning in overwhelming shame and guilt. How had I let this happen? I was a pastor and a therapist, for crying out loud. I had done everything I knew to prevent this, to stop this. I had prayed for her; I had counseled her. Yet, here we were—both of us in rehab. Treating broken people is what I did and who I was. If I could not help my own wife, what good was I? I was a failure and a fraud who had let her, my kids, and God down. This message ran like a ticker tape through my head, and even if I was aware of its toxicity, I wasn’t sure I had the resolve or resources to stop it.
According to the cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) theoretical model, the type of internal negative self-talk or dysfunctional thought patterns I was experiencing and just described are behind most, if not all, psychological disturbances. CBT opines that behavior change results not from modifying actions or emotions but by aligning one’s thoughts with reality. Simply put, change what you believe, and you will change how you behave.
Though the origins of CBT are traced back to the pioneering work of psychiatrist, Aaron Beck, the basic tenets of CBT are rooted in principles found in the Word of God. Paul wrote to the Corinthian church, “… we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5, NIV). Jesus told His followers that before the truth could set them free, they needed to know the truth (John 8:32). Paul advised his readers in his letter to the Roman Christians, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…” (Romans 12:2, NIV). The Bible instructs us that for change to happen and dysfunctional patterns to be broken, we must change how we think. Contrary to what most believe, life change begins not with a change of circumstances or behavior but with a change of mind. English poet, John Milton, wrote, “The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell or a hell of heaven.”1 The mind is where many of us have been taken captive, where strongholds have been built and fortified.
In CBT, false beliefs that lead to dysfunction are called cognitive distortions. In recovery, we simply call it “stinking thinking.” As a person in recovery myself, clinician, and founder of Recovery ALIVE!, a national Christ-centered 12-step ministry, I have had decades of exposure to suffering minds unchallenged and unchecked by truth. I believe that is why I flung myself into the work of recovery, both personally and professionally. I have found nothing as effective in confronting cognitive distortions as the 12 steps. Courageous and uncompromising honesty is required when working the steps because we think that the war for recovery is won or lost.
As previously stated, Paul tells us we must capture rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ. He wrote that in order to resist conforming to the world, we need a personal transformation that begins internally (2 Corinthians 10:5, Romans 12:2). Recovery is a shift in thinking that equips us to face and live in reality. On the other hand, denial is both the thought and action of living outside of reality—it is accepting and living the illusion of control. To fully recover, one must confront denial, not through cessation of detrimental behaviors, but by thoroughly rejecting false and harmful beliefs. Our behavior is a byproduct of our beliefs. For recovery to begin, we must confront our beliefs and tell ourselves the truth. Other people can confront our denial, but unless we become acquainted with the truth in an intimate way, the truth is of no use to us.
As for me, I know that was true almost 20 years ago while I was in a dusty hotel outside of Wickenburg, Arizona. I had just left a family therapy session where Kelly, the annoyingly competent and compassionate clinician, had shared that truth with my wife for weeks. The cognitive distortions Jennene had been battling all her life that convinced her to starve, purge, restrict, binge and diet, that told her to just die and be done with it, were amazingly being caught, challenged, and changed. I was amazed! It wasn’t magic or a fix-all, but it was working. Jennene was doing it. I listened to her in Kelly’s office catch the lies and challenge the ticker tape going through her head—then I listened as she spoke the truth out loud, changing her beliefs, replacing the lies, and reframing the distorted thinking. I was convicted. She had done the work; now it was my turn to man up, confront my own denial, catch it, challenge it, and change it.
John Eklund, M.S.W., is an author, licensed clinical social worker, ordained pastor, and founder of Recovery ALIVE!, a Christ-centered, 12-step program operating in churches all over the country. For more information about his books and ministry, visit recoveryalive.com.
Endnote
1 Online library of liberty. (n.d.). Retrieved January 18, 2023, from https://oll.libertyfund.org/title/milton-the-poetical-works-of-john-milton#lf0243_head_119.
